Insert suitably obtuse and wanky post title here.

Is it just me or is there a totally hot cowboy style guy on the Commonwealth Bank website? He is like a smoother skinned Heath Ledger. I bet you're glad you're reading this aren't you? So I did attempt to leave the house today. Well I left and came back. I waited 30 mins for a bus to come, the whole time it was raining and freezing plus my skirt kept blowing up (I was wearing a skirt on a freezing day because we don't have a washing machine yet, hence I haven't washed my jeans recently. Too much information? Therefore I am totally going to be a typical student who brings her dirty clothes home over the holidays. Ok this bracket has got a little out of control). I took the whole thing as a sign that instead of going to a goodbye bash for a girl from work where I wouldn't know anyone I should come home and put on my ugg boots and watch Angel. I'm pretty pleased with the decision. Of course I'll never know if my soulmate was at that party and I've missed him/her now...

Sorry I keep getting distracted by Angel's brooding gaze, you know how it is.

The other day I was watching the final of Six Feet Under. There's this bit in it where Clare is lying on her bed saying that she has no idea what she wants to do with her life. It occurred to me that I've never really had that feeling. I've always had a couple of plans on the go, sometimes I wasn't sure which plan to go with but I had a plan. I had things that I wanted to do. Sure there are times when I wasn't exactly overjoyed by what I was doing but I've never seriously considered giving up on it... Anyway this is clearly a symptom of my nerdy, feel-good attitude to life. (And why, sadly, even if I had been born a few years later and despite kind of thinking My Chemical romance are ok I could never really be an emo). The concern is that sometime in the future I will have some kind of crisis about the direction of my life.

Speaking of sub-cultures, I feel like I need one. Since becoming the kind of person who buys stuff at opp-shops I have discovered this: while I don't mind the odd hippy clothing item, generally I'm all about the preppy look. I suppose this is because I've always dressed rather conservatively... One of my friend's in 'Nam, who we shall call HK was really into the preppy look. But being from London she was a little better at it and from what I can tell it was very much a statement. The whole Belle and Sebastian twee pop thing? Which we don't really have here... well there are some traces of it in the indie scene. The point of this particular ramble is as follows: I know I'm wearing a Ralph Loren shirt, a knee length skirt, flat shoes and a top that looks like part of a twin-set but I'm doing it ironically.
Ooooooh zombie cops! yay!

Ok my stomach just made a rumble that sounded like thunder so I'm going to eat (a tres exotic meal of rice, tuna, corn and parmesan cheese).

Billion year old carbon

So I'm going to try for a less confessional tone in this entry. But if you feel like complaining about this sudden avalanche of mediocre prose you should be sure to realise that I got an 83 in auto fictions, at Melbourne University no less. It's actually a quite bizarre experience to be able to make that kind of comment after all my years of chip-on-my shoulderness about going to state schools. Of course now I have the double whammy of "I got into Melbourne Uni after going to state school". Having said all this I really only think Melbourne Uni is all that great for comedic effect.

I am thinking of taking up yoga. And I have only been living in Brunswick for one week. I mostly just like the idea. It would also give me a legitimate reason to buy yoga pants. Perhaps it will help shift my extra three kilos? I'm not sure, I have a feeling it is more about aligning chakras and so forth than something as superficial as weight loss. Classes start January 10, we'll have to wait and see if I'm still enthused then.

Other things I plan to do:

Read:
Fear of Flying
The Picture of Dorian Gray
The Beauty Myth
No Logo
Lady Chatterley's Lover
+ all the books on my reading list for my lit subject (which I just tried to access and couldn't, making me feel both annoyed and like a loser)

Watch:
Casablanca
Festival
Sicko

Ok so now I've written a shopping list style entry. Oups.

Tyre tracks across my back

Hello, once again time has passed quite without my permission and it is December. Today at work I listened to some truly awful Christmas carols while on hold (it did impress me that they change the music, or maybe it's Jingle Bells all year round?). I'm not going to talk much about moving stuff because that's pretty boring. The new house is feeling less "new" though which is good. I have been working so much that I haven't really had time to properly get to know it yet. It still smells are little like paint too. But here I am in my large "California Style" bungalow, on the route 55 tram line, Brunswick West. Do you ever stop and wonder how this (by which I mean life) happened?

I continually have these realisations about myself. I realise that's terribly self involved and teenager-ish of me but whatever (plus, I have a blog, this didn't tip you off to the fact you'd be subjected to this behaviour?). Today I was involved in a ridiculous flurry of texting on the way home. When I left work I had 7 messages in my inbox, when I got home? 18. Anyway, one of these conversations was between myself and a friend from uni, who we shall call D. D is really cool, a little bit older than me and we had a lot of classes together. We have done the meeting up for study sessions thing, the getting a beer/coffee thing and the getting quite drunk together thing (after exams). We text, email and occasionally even call. Not regularly or anything but we are in contact. The friendship context is important. So I sent her a quite amusing (I thought) message saying we should get together to commiserate over/celebrate our results. She replied pretty much immediately saying that sounded perfect, that she was working this weekend but did I want to catch up for a drink on Monday? So now, objectively I realise that that message is really very nice and friendly. However when I first got it there was this voice in my head that interpreted it as her saying "I'm clearly way too busy and important to meet up with you". Which makes NO SENSE. I hadn't even suggested we meet up this weekend so she wasn't turning me down. Plus work is a pretty valid reason given she's a waitress who often works weekend shifts. So the question is, what the hell is wrong with me?

It is perhaps worth noting that the voice I heard sound a little like queen of my little group of primary school bullies. I am relatively happy with blaming her for this. Although I'm not convinced that I was bursting with self confidence before that point, I'm pretty sure that's why I got bullied. Plus it's not like I'm a ridiculous puddle of nerves on the floor. I am a relatively functional individual... I do stuff. I just assume that people hate me/are trying to give me the brush off. I suppose it could be worse, I could be great at social stuff and never DO anything. I find those kind of people insufferable. The way my brain works is a mystery (of course it would make life very boring if it wasn't). I'm sure my insane need to plan fits in here somewhere (and if you're reading this, person who I had that conversation with you should really have let me know you're reading this when I saw you).

Okay, this is all so self obsessed I may vomit.
The take home message from this entry is you should download Old Men by Chris T - T. (I think you have to download this podcost to get that track).

Anxious- ness

Hello dear readers. I am having one of those ridiculous mornings before an exam. I felt that I should get up early because... well I don't know, it just seemed the right thing to do. Really though it just means more stress-time because I think I'm past the time when I can really absorb anything. So instead I took pictures of myself a gazed around anxiously. I have given up on both activities now though. Mostly *gazes anxiously around the room*. So yes, life continues. There is very little going on right now that I have any desire to rehash here, but here it is: exchange applications are shite, my mother was here - eeek, I need to get another job, open houses are shite and I'm really not as clever as I once thought. Woe. I have no desire to become one of those depressing blogs though so I shall try for a more sunny tone. Really life is good but I have stuff to do, and after that life will be excellent. It should be noted that there are days when I don't enjoy being a poor student nearly as much as the Secret Life of Us suggested I would. I wonder if we ever completely get to a point where you can actually think "this is exactly what I want to be doing, I don't want to be in Tassie, or Vietnam or... Paris or whatnot". Paris is a big problem, I'd pretty much always prefer to be there, I really should have learnt French, *le sigh*. Parents have this strange ability to reverse any development of their children in about 5 minutes. Seriously. Just so you know: my mother thinks I should cut my hair and can say "it was fine" in a way that suggests it was horrible and all my fault. Sunny! It is in fact sunny here today which is nice, although I'm not sure what to wear to the exam. At the moment i am wearing a dress which actually kind of gives me cleavage. This is very exciting and so unusual that I find it kind of distracting. Whenever I look down I'm like "hah, boobs, that's right".

Me and Jesus Don't Talk Anymore

Warning: medium level atheism and traces of Anderson Cooper.

Having spent time at Borders (yes I am aware, I have no life) I am once again inspired to write some stuff. Feel privileged. Or not, really it’s your choice. So having surveyed the bookstores it seems that atheism is very hip these days. Particularly at the trendy (Fullers-style) bookshop. I think there were about 5 books on it. I’m never quite sure of the attraction of these books. Well I do kind of get the attraction, I did buy The God Delusion. Which I enjoyed parts of, but other parts were ridiculously long winded. I can’t imagine that a person who believes in God would be interested in that kind of book, especially with titles like How Religion Poisons Everything. So you really just end up preaching to the converted surely? How much fun can that be. I also amusingly saw something entitled The Atheist's Bible. Sure initially, I was like, that’s cool . Then I remembered that one of the reasons I’m an atheist is because I don’t need a bible, I don’t really like the whole idea of basing my whole life on one book. So this sent me on a whole Why I’m an Atheist meandering. For me its really important that it’s not just that I’m anti-religion, I mean, I’m not a massive fan. I do think religion causes a lot of problems. Most of the people who I admire who are religious are basically disregarding some fairly large bits of the faith (they are not anti choice bigots who have deep seated issues with sexuality for example), which sure, makes me like them more. But really I kind of think if you’re going to go half way with the religion thing why bother at all. However it really isn’t a negative thing. And it’s not that I don’t believe in anything. I believe in science and I believe in the goodness of humanity. Which really is enough for me. Sure I kind of wish I was Jewish, but that’s basically about having something in common with Jon Stewart and the bagels. Also it’s part of my culture-lust which comes from being a white, middle class girl of Christian origin which is a whole other post.

So I’ve been feeling a little feministing lately. (Luckily I’m female because seriously what do straight guys in my position have to get riled up about?). The way I have been expressing this is through firmly circling the Ms. section when filling out applications for rental properties. I am just that hardcore. You know what really annoys me though? The “Women’s Interest” section of the magazine stand. Seriously, it’s filled with, like, Good Housekeeping. If I was even more hardcore I would fill it with all the other magazines: Rolling Stone, The Economist and also porn. Although that’s a whole other thing because THIS woman doesn’t find b-list 'celebrities' with fake boobs wearing bikinis and shooting coy ‘naughty’ looks all that interesting. I did on the other hand spend quite some time staring at the cover of Anderson Coopers book. I know he’s a serious journalist but he’s also seriously hot.

Life (sadly the real thing doesn't have a soundtrack by The Shins or traces of Zach Braff)

I swear my computer has a mind of its own (1). I was walking home from Borders thinking of all the things I could write. Up the steep bit of Keppel street, across the round about with the grass that even now has turned a pale unhealthy green and crackles under your feet. I had just spent a pleasant hour-ish on Lygon Street, wandering in and out of clothes shops where I couldn’t even afford the singlets. Lots of girls wearing cute sundresses today. It made me think of a really random quote. Something from the Animorphs (there is just so much useless information in my head) that the guy who liked Rachel but who wasn’t Tobias said he liked summer because of the short dresses with flowers and bright colour girls wear. So I was trying to imagine what it would be like to be a guy, checking out girls in their sundresses. I totally get the breasts thing, I mean I don’t really find them attractive, but it’s about size and that’s easy to get. I was focusing more on legs. Guys seem very into legs, and I just don’t understand why. From what I can tell it’s also about size, skinny legs are hot? I think that’s the deal. But I think curvy legs are nicer, aesthetically. I remember complaining to my mum about my legs when I was quite young, maybe 12 or 13, and she said “Don’t complain, people would kill to have legs like you”, which I found oddly fierce. Of course she is my mum and hence has to say things like this plus my legs have changed quite a bit since then anyway. I also don’t get why bums are hot either (2). When it comes to guys I like arms and faces. Anyway in the words of C.J. Cregg “We seem to have wandered of the topic”. So yes, I went to Borders which basically I see as my very own reference library. Disappointingly, last week sometime someone actually bought America (the book) which I had been reading, luckily the “Teacher’s Edition” is still there. So I sat at Gloria Jeans (yay for instore cafes) and drank their not too atrocious coffee (their iced chocolates are really gross) and read the aforementioned book as well as one about Gilmore Girls. I would pretty much never buy a book about a TV show (The Daily Show and The Colbert Report excluded of course(3)) but they make great free!reading. Free!reading being quite acceptable in Borders. Everyone has piles of (unbought) books and magazines on their tables, I think some of them are considering purchases though. So I still haven’t complained about my computer. I came into the house and T was still napping in her room so I went into my room and grabbed my laptop and came onto our veranda bit. We have an old wicker sofa that was a sofa-bed but is missing the mattress bit so when you sit down you fall into a bit of an abyss. So I sat on the sofa-abyss and turned my laptop on. Well I attempted to, of course it decided this was the time to play silly-buggers. One minute it was standing by then it was logging off and then it decided to shut down. It was very annoying because I had all this solid gold blogging material leaking out of my head as I continually pushed the off/on button (admittedly this might not have helped the process). But all is well (4) now. There is residual warmth trapped under the clear corrugated roof and sun light against red brick. I am wiggling my toes in my battered up Birkenstocks - it’s that summery. I am also listening to R.E.M. which is certainly comforting Saturday afternoon music. I’ve been listening to them a lot recently, them and the Hothouse Flowers, because I miss my dad. I’m 20 going on 13, I know. Also there’s nothing like being sick to make you miss your parents. I don’t even like the Hothouse Flowers that much, they have disturbing 80s undercurrents. There is one song of theirs called Gypsy fair which I quite like, it has a sweet line about a “bareback rider with a red head smile” . Anyway, I was supposed to work today but I called in sick. I am feeling a bit better this afternoon though which makes me feel a bit guilty. Oh well. I think I needed (what my friend Jem calls) a mental health day. I have been feeling quite down. Mostly it’s about boring stuff that I wont rehash here. But hopefully things are on the up. I have a lot of uni stuff to do still unfortunately. I have to write two pieces for creative writing. One has to be non fiction. I am having a lot of trouble coming up with something to write about. I was hopeful some blogging might help… nothing yet though. So despite feeling quite a bit better, I still feel… gluggy. I really hate my sinuses, and I think they hate me too. Also my ears keep blocking up. I was complaining about this to T and she said I should put oil in them. I was quite dismissive of this idea which I think she was annoyed by. However, I am not going to be sticking random stuff in my ears. Well that sure sounds like a good line to end on.

1. I will get back to this, I promise.
2. Male readers feel free to challenge my broad generalisations about what turns you on.
3. The difference being that America (the book) is that it is in the Humour section (along with the Chaser books) rather than the TV Show section.
4. Harry Potter 7 epilogue reference ahoy!

Expatriate

Sometimes I reuse teabags
Thin, sweat, tea and toast
Smeared with vegemite
A feast to feed nostalgia

The table was round and plastic
Keys clatter as they land
Legs burn from the stairs
The lift wasn’t working

Stripping off decency
Hot air licks against soggy skin
The sun leaks in under,
Around and through the curtains,

On the street
There are old women
Selling sickly sweet jackfruit,
Separating the flesh with wiry fingers

There are young women
Selling furled cloth,
Kitschy colors, perilously balanced,
Growing out of the dust

There are old men
Fixing punctured bike tyres
With a bowl of dirty water,
Practiced fingers and sad eyes

And I am lying on the bed

"Honey, If I had my way we'd never leave the house..."

So, there seems to have been a two month interlude. Ooups. Always best to wait until your (two) readers have given up all hope. Also best to wait until your philosophy essay is two days late and many words off finished. I was going to do real things tonight (drinking things, involving a band or two and possibly, you know, leaving the house) but T took forever texting me and I'd kind of got into a 'staying in' frame of mind. Plus the reason I am free is because they didn't need me at work, which makes it a week since I worked which makes me v. poor. So I'm concentrating on spending as little money as possible (apart on from coffee, muffins, caramel slice and too much internet quota). I haven't had the net at home for about 4 days, which really doesn't make that much difference because I can use superfast free net at uni, but it's nice to have it at home again. Mainly because watching The Daily Show in bed is just great. Anyway.

Okay, I might have to take a food interlude. I am really hungry but also really lazy. So jealous of people with mums to whip something up right now.
Had toasted bread and cheese. I think I might be ill because I'm tired all the time and also really thirsty. Whenever I'm really thirsty I think I must be getting Diabetes (because that's what happened to Stacy in the Baby Sitters Club). I'm too old to get juvenile onset diabetes surely?

Oooh it's all stormy outside, lightening, thunder etc.

Ok well, I realise this is not the most exciting return post ever but blah. I'll post the poem I wrote for my creative writing course. It got a "nice poem" comment from my (cute) tutor. Obviously this is better than "crap poem", but really "nice" ? From a creative writing tutor, surely he could have thought of another adjective? *SIGH*

Thankyou to my dear friend for reminding me that I do in fact have a blog. Where, no doubt, you have all been checking hourly and refreshing with bated breath. I am so sorry to have failed you (I am also sorry for the random changing of tenses in this entry. I am watching The Daily Show at the same time as penning this brilliance). So on Saturday night I went out with some friends which was quite fun. I was initially a little unsure about the whole thing but I'm really glad I stuck with it because it was really cool. I really do like dancing, and it was good music, salsa/funk type stuff (kind of a less marketable version of The Cat Empire). There is this voice in my head which narrates the whole thing in a David Attenborough style voice. I think this is because I once saw him narrating two birds do a mating dance which involved a lot of feather fluffing and funny head movements - which is rather similiar to dancing. I have this technique for not getting with random/gross guys which is that I pick a really cute guy and think if I don't get with him I don't get with anyone. This generally means no kissing for Clara. It is a good technique though for avoiding mistakes.

Also just as an aside (and this will probably mean nothing to those who haven't watched TDS) Jon Stewart can basically only do one accent. Luckily it works well for George Bush but really it sounds nothing like Bill Clinton. And I do hope we aren't treated to video footage of Kevin Rudd at a fast food restaurant in the upcoming election.

Anyway, I now have an Ipod which means I can now fulfull my dream of walking through the supermarket listening to Woke Up New by The Mountain Goats. It's not a big dream, but it's been mine for some time. This is because it's basically the saddest song ever and the supermarket also has an inherent sadness to it. So possibly upon leaving the supermarket I will be contemplating changing this blog background black and wearing a lot more eye makeup. Stay tuned.

P.S. Angie you should watch this Matt Damon Interview.

Back to school special

So I’m blogging (does anyone actually use that as a verb these days?) on the tres retro green striped lounge in our living room. Which means I’m actually just typing in a word document because our living room is too enclosed to get the internet. I’m watching the West Wing because I firmly believe that at any given time whatever’s on TV, re-watching West Wing will always be much more entertaining, informative and down right enjoyable. It’s also because I’m trying not to become one of those people who watches Big Brother. You see there’s only one week left and I am in the disturbing position of caring about some of the contestants.

So anyway today was first day back at uni. Well not really ‘day’ given that I had two lectures beginning at 4:15 back to back. The first was philosophy which was pretty cool. The lecturer is very much like one would expect him to be. Very softly spoken and meek, and says “anon” a lot. Next I had history which involved a quick power walk across campus. Which meant I was a little late and slipped in the back of the theatre (I was actually quite impressed that I knew which door to use and didn’t go in the front where everyone sees you and the lecturer glares at you). I was just in time to enjoy a lecture on the importance of actually reading the readings and turning up to tutorials. It was great. It did go on to other topics which was more interesting. I think the lecturer is pretty good if a bit stern, stern can be good.

So basically it was all ok although there was the staggering realisation that work is actually involved in the whole uni thing. Also the stress of not knowing which parts to write down and (in philosophy) having to choose between understanding the point and writing down the point. It was nice to see some uni people again. Particularly the cool gay guy from my American history tute last semester who was really nice and chatty who I thought didn’t actually like me very much. He’s in my creative writing lecture and said we should sit together. Yay!

So (and do note that all my paragraphs have begun with ‘so’ - just as well I’m doing creative writing this semester) even though I was only at uni for two hours I actually feel exhausted now. It’s a bit concerning as I have three hours tomorrow (starting at 9!) and probably work in the afternoon.

Smile like you mean it.

Was just watching Big Love earlier (quite a good show, I think) and clicking about on Facebook. I was replying to a comment from one of my (fiercely Christian) cousins, which was taking a while because I was distracted by the TV show. It was rather tempting to say "sorry if this is disjointed I'm distracted by the two guys who are about to kiss on this TV show I'm watching about polygamy". Would have been classic. Of course I wouldn't have said that though. Accidentally releasing the information that I'm an atheist is more than enough drama for me. And the truth is, I don't want them to not like me. If they really knew me, I don't think they would like me at all.

Not much else I feel like talking (typing) about. I spent a ridiculous amount of time in Borders today, without buying anything apart from a hot chocolate. While drinking this I finished reading the Postsecrets book. Which mostly made me feel incredibly, sad about the world, but occasionally made me feel really quite happy. I really, really, like bookshops. Unlike clothes stores I don't mind not buying anything. I like running my fingers down the spines of the books. I like the idea that there is a book somewhere about a young girl growing up in post revolution Iran, told in comic form.

I changed one of my subjects today, I'm now doing a creative writing subject. It all worked at well, because as I've previously said, I think I should give creative writing another go. It also means I no longer have a clash and will be able to work Tuesday afternoon. Plus, less reading! (Because Arts is such hard work, hehe).

Also: enrol to vote!

So I've been reading through postsecrets and feeling mopey. Things have been a bit crazy here recently. Nothing directly to do with me (of course) but it has affected me a bit - given the key players are/were staying at my house. Stupid relationship nonsense. Sadly, just because I've decided I want no part in such things I am still affected by them. I just feel unable to deal with the grown up stuff. Also what's with people not closing their doors? See, my room is at the front of the house so I have to walk through the hall past the second room and through the living room area to get to the bathroom. And I really, really don't want to witness peoples "personal moments" and I would assume that people aren't that keen for me to do so either. The whole thing grosses me out. Is it ok that is grosses me out? I think I'm just supposed to be cool with it. which is a ridiculous proposition. So, I'm taking the adult route and have been playing my TV loud (ish) tonight. Hehe the guy from Lano and Woodley is doing a Metlink add. Anyway. What with touristing people around the place and wanting to be out of the house I've been reacquainting myself with Melbourne, Carlton in particular. The newsagents on Lygon Street is really great because it's run by a Pakistani (or Indian?) family in the midst of a bajillion Italian restaurants. They are usually playing that Indian dance music (Bhangra, thanks Wikipedia) and burning incense. There are two guys who usually work there - one is really flirty (I'm always incredibly shocked when people flirt with me but I think that's what he does...) and the other one is really shy and meek. I find the place quietly amusing.

Ok then, going to risk venturing down the hall to the toilet!

The wrong girl.

So much to say. Not been doing much. Just working a lot. T's boyfriend is staying with us. He's really nice but it kind of changes our house dynamics in a weird way. Also obviously it makes me feel a little tragic with my lack of boyfriendness. That's the thing though - it's not that I wont a boyfriend I just don't like what it looks like (that I'm a failure at boys stuff). I know everyone always says that they're ok with being single, but I really actually am ok with it. This bothers me because I can't see my self making the effort to be with anyone. All this doesn't stop me from harbouring a little crush on one of my supervisors at work. I think it's mostly that I get bored at work, but he is kind of hot. He smokes though and the idea of me ever being seriously interested in such a guy is laughable. He does have nice hair and eyes. I don't know it's all very strange. I suppose I just don't see myself as the kind of girl who has a boyfriend. And, maybe it's just because I'm jealous and bitter, it seems that a lot of my friends who are in couples aren't really all that happy. So until I meet that guy who makes me deliriously happy just through smiling at me, I really can't be bothered with all that stuff.
Ok I'm bored now.

P.S. Facebook is ruining my life.

Tomorrow.

Hey party people. well that whole "taking attendance" idea failed spectacularly didn't it? Or perhaps I only have one reader? I actually know that's not true. Well Tommie's away for a few days with her mum so I'm a lonely lump of coldness tonight. I finished work tres early because we finished the job I was on (when I say we clearly I mean me - I am the survey queen, I challenge you to say no to my dulcet tones). Which meant I could technically have done something today. Due to a wallet displacement issue (which will be rectified soon) I have about $11.45 in my possession so exciting stuff is out. I was going to continue reading "The Portrait of a Lady" which I'm reading for a subject next semester. I'm only about 10o pages in but it seems ok so far. As with all classics of its ilk the author seems obsessed with describing the heroine in excruciating detail. The heroine is of course not conventionally attractive, not the prettiest sister (as people constantly remark) but she catches some dashing lord's fancy. So I was going to continue reading but I didn't because I'm rubbish. Instead I lay in bed fully clothed (including ugg boots) covered in doona and blanket with a scarf wrapped around my head (my nose was cold) with only my eyes and hands exposed to the cold, and watched the Colbert Report and The Daily Show. Seriously, why did I have to decide to start watching two four days a week shows? It is no good for my net quota.

I was going to talk about work but I have spent too much time there recently to think about it now. Instead I'm going to talk about dream jobs. Seriously, pretty much every time I work I realise that I really must get qualified and get a real job that I actually enjoy. Obviously teaching is still up there. In one of my lectures the lecturer showed some footage of teaching in American high schools and I had a sudden rush, kind of like what I get when someone is saying something I disagree with and I realise I know just what to say. Not that I'd know what to do in a rough American high school but, I have ideas. But aside from teaching i have two other contenders - the unrealistic type. One is writing for Rolling Stone. This is because I'd get to write about the music stuff and the world issues stuff. Which is the fantastic thing about Rolling Stone. Of course I think it's a well established fact that the magazine format is on the way out and I know nothing technical about music. It's also possible that I've just watched Almost Famous too many times. The other option is being a Speech Writer. I think I have an ok way with words, and I've always been better at non fiction stuff. I write ok essays. It would be totally cool to think that it was your words that helped get someone elected. Of course the real stumbling block is who that someone could be. I don't think there's anyone in politics these days I could get that excited about. Certainly not Rudd. Also the real real stumbling block is I have no idea how someone becomes a speech writer. There's also the concern that I just watch too much West Wing and Jed Bartletts don't really exist.

What all, of this amounts to is that I think I'm going to do some kind of writing subject next year. Because of the trip I want to go on I think I'll have room. It will probably be horrible. But I think the fact that things I want to do in life keep coming back to writing is probably telling me something. Also it will add to my HECS debt for no real reason. I can just imagine what AP's dad would say!

There's something in her face.

I'm just going to write this while waiting for the latest Chaser to finish downloading. It really did seem a good idea to set up the net so I could be online while in bed but perhaps in retrospect not such a great idea. So I went back to Tassie for four days. As an aside if you want to ask why only for four days, just don't - I am tres sick of talking about it (seriously I swear Tasmanians have some kind of questions sheet which is circulated). It was pretty nice. It was funny to be back somewhere where the surroundings remind you of things that happened years ago. I was in Channel Court which looks so different than it did in my high school days (by different I do mean horrid: what were you thinking Kingborough Council?) and went into the public toilets (the ones on the way to the pet shop) and I suddenly felt like I was in high school again. I really felt like I should have had a plastic bag full with my jodhpurs and daggy polar fleece jumper. It still doesn't have a mirror which is really annoying. I'm not entirely sure how I survived high school in retrospect. When I think of myself then I'm struck by how defenceless I was. Which is silly because I've had my defence system in place for quite some time.

This is going to be a ridiculously short post because Chaser has almost finished downloading. Next post is going to be about my work. Probably. Maybe.

Also: can I take attendance? I just want to know who (if anyone) is reading this drivel.

The Clara Report

You'd think that someone with an important exam tomorrow in a complex subject would have spent today studying. Because while apparently first year grades don't count (I swear people only tell me that after I go well in things, it's very passive aggressive) , someone might be thinking of going on exchange sometime and that requires a really good grade average. Also if someone had moved states, and is paying considerably more for their degree you’d think they'd want to go well. You'd tend to think that such a person would have re-read some of the required reading, memorised some important names and facts and maybe done a few practice essay plans. But no. I spent the day forming an unhealthy obsession with Stephen Colbert. I also rewatched some QaF I'd seen many times before. It was perhaps the most unproductive day ever. The good news is my exam isn't til two tomorrow so I have some time to study in the morning. Why do I do this to myself?

In good news my philosophy tutor is going to buy us free jugs after the exam. I plan to get very drunk. For future reference I didn't plan to a) embarrass myself or b) stand around awkwardly. If only there was more middle ground between those two options. So anyway, I'll be able to sleep and slob on Thursday (so very different to what I did today...), possibly work in the afternoon and then probably go out on Friday. Then Saturday I'm going home for 4 days. Tres exciting.

Happy Queens Birthday Eve

Hey, hey people. I have a really cute ponytail tonight and am saddened by the fact only T will see it. I really wish my hair/skin would focus on being good for days when I'm doing stuff. Yes, I realise that hair can't focus. I really believe that SwotVac is bad for the soul. It is driving me to watch Big Brother. I was going to make some clumsy segue to this about the soul but I'm too lazy. I went to see the Dalai Lama yesterday. It was kind of cool. It was also funny because it was at a football stadium and I imagine the crowd was quite different to usual. It was also funny because there was a voiceover of some very Aussie sounding guy saying "Welcome to the Dalai Lama's 2007 Australian tour!!!!!" I really thought he would try and rev us up and get people screaming "I love you Dalai Lama". Sadly he didn't. Anyway, so the DL appeared and really, just looks like an old guy with a funny robe on. Not that I was expecting anything else but... Hi's speech was alright but in all honesty got a bit boring. He did talk a lot about nonreligious people not needing faith to be compassionate which I thought was good. Anyway I thought of this a lot while I was there.

In other news I'm massively into french toast with honey. I never quite got the appeal, but it really is fantastic. Also it's very quick to make. And warm. Really there's nothing bad about it... unless you're allergic to egg.

I am such a fan of BBC World. Really, it's great. If i had the TV channel I would watch it all the time. As it is I listen to it when it's on NewsRadio, which is all the time because lets face it the BBC is just much better than the ABC. It's really funny hearing about Paris Hilton from a posh sounding journalist though, particularly that hideous statement she made about jail being hard but that she's "growing as a person". You could tell that the journalist was laughing on the inside. And because what the internet needs is more Paris Hilton discussion let me just say this. What I find particularly annoying about her repeated drink driving is how unnecessary it is. If you're young and poor and live in the country I can see why you might drink and drive. Sure it's still an incredibly stupid thing to do BUT I can see why it would happen. Paris is clearly none of those things, I think she could afford a taxi. She could probably afford to buy an international taxi company. Gah! Anyway sorry for the popcultureness.

Okay so in an attempt to appear intelligent after that, take a look at this excerpt from my Philosophy reader "Insofar as contextualism endorses a justificatory discourse about the delimitation of contexts and the variation of principles across them..." Is justificatory really a word? And if so is it necessary? Damn philosophers, they always use really random forms of relatively common words. It's like some kind of philosophers’ code. Tres annoying.

Also the postsecrets are really good this week I think...

So bitter you think he's sweet.

So today I handed in my less than stellar Media, Politics and Society essay. It was good to get rid of it. I also called my mum which cheered me up. That woman can really talk. It's funny because when I lived at home it seemed we didn't talk much at all. To celebrate essay finishing T and I had coffee at F's work and then I played The Sims and listened to The Libertines & Beulah. How does this differ from when I was essay writing? Very little, although I felt less guilty about it. Tomorrow I'm going to start studying for my philosophy exam. Yipee.

What else? I'm sure there was more...

T's mum came round tonight and I did that thing I always do of talking to my friends parents more than them (although not quite in this case, T and I are pretty much constantly talking). She was asking about my exams and I told her about philosophy and that I was planning to write on Humanitarian Intervention. T's mum is a very peaceful organic tofu kind of person. Nothing wrong with that - so am I sometimes. Anyway, she expressed the opinion that military intervention for humanitarian means was a silly idea and that guns never solved anything - that there were other ways etc. Which is true, sometimes. But I then pointed out that there are times, like in Rwanda that really a military intervention might have been the way to go. When people are already killing their neighbours maybe it's a time for guns. You know, I have this feeling that studying for philosophy (I'm planning to write on Poverty and HI) is not really going to cheer me up much...

Impossible is Nothing.

Thanks to someone’s blog entry I am sitting alone listening to R.E.M. and reading postsecrets. I actually decided today that I would stop listening to sad music and switch to angry music. I also decided I would acquire some less embarrassing angry music. See, I've been feeling sad lately. The word sad implies that something in particular happened. Nothing has happened. If I was more dramatic maybe I would say "depressed" but that's not right either and I know people who are actually, really, properly, medically depressed. And I'm just sad. I'm sad about boring things I can't even bring myself to write about here. I'm sick of myself. I miss my parents. I wish I was a different kind of person. I know it's all silly. Most of the time I'm happy. Sometimes I'm just not sure that I'm doing the right things with my life. Sometimes I feel too like The Wrong Girl. And that makes me feel sad. Sad in the way that baked beans on toast while watching Boston Legal won’t make better. Seriously sad.

But enough about sad, let's get happy! I have been storing up some Funny Anecdotes (always guaranteed to fail to be funny). The other day T and I were watching Big Brother (shutup we only watch it occasionally [how uncool is Travis???]) and they were doing some crazy group laugh thing and I mentioned laughing clubs and T said "I don't think I could take a laughing club seriously." which I thought was hilarious. Ok I have some other Funny Anecdotes but I think I'll keep them up my sleeve...

I'm sorry for the emo post people.

Anywhere that you want me to.

I want to be a Gilmore Girl. I really do. This is because on Friday night after pushing Mjec on to a tram I succumbed to the joys of JB HIFI. It really is one of my favourite places in the world (the others include Angkor Thom, the creek at my parents place, The British Museum, Hoan Kiem Lake and South Lawn at Uni). I also really can't walk past it without going in. The rational of course is that there are sales and as a poor uni student I can only buy things on sale (in truth this applies more to luxury items at the supermarket than TV on DVD which I really can't justify buying at all).

So of course series 4 of Gilmore Girls was on sale (the one where Alexis Bledel has alarmingly blue eyes - she looks like an alien) with a neon orange "Buy me NOW, I'm Cheap" sticker - who was I too rebut such a compelling argument? By the by, with slight alteration I could wear such a sticker when out on the town. So yeah I parted with my $26 ( I personally cost slightly less than that: 1 comment about me being smart + 1 comment about my pretty eyes/hair/fingernails + a jug of beer and I'm all yours).

Now I might be biased because I'm so in love with the Girls book reading, incredibly fast talking, coffee drinking and takeaway consuming ways and maybe it's because this was the Going Away to College series but I think Series Four is really incredibly tops. I have already finished it of course - and please don't work out how consistebtly I've been watching it since I got it. The ending was just so good! I think i'm going to watch it again when I've posted this. And I love Paris. I am worried that there is a disturbing ammount of Paris in me. Also Alexis Bledel looks really beautiful on this show, much better than in The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants where a major part of her charcter is her apparent attractiveness. maybe they had a really bad makeup department? That thought makes me happy. Also also, they're making a second movie of SotTP. Yay. I mean... *acts cool*.

It especially scary that I've finished it given that I went to see a movie on Friday night. I went with T and her best friend F to see Hot Fuzz. I don't want to judge people but I think this viewing decision makes me much more intelligent than people who went to see, say, Pirates. It was quite a funny movie with appropriate Tarintino style blood spray (not that I've ever seen Reservoir Dogs but I’m a consummate poser). The goriness was unsettling because we all had massive slabs of very chocolaty cake on Lygon street beforehand. I actually thought I was going to be sick. It was really weird because it was a 10:55 showing which for a hick girl like me seems tres late and when we went out on to the street after it was really deserted. Even though it was a parody I was still seeing assasins in black robes out of the corners of my eyes (Space Demons style). This is why I haven't seen grown up movies.

It was a fun excursion though added to by T and I revving up the hysteria on the way home. Sometimes my life seems exceedingly dull, but I really don't think that "having an exciting life" has to involve being wasted or jumping out of planes or sleeping with random people. seeing one of my favourite people in the world followed by cake and a funny movie at a random hour is almost exciting enough. (Note I'm leaving the loophole in case random guys are reading this). Sorry for the abuse of brackets. This is how my mind works, in brackets.

Instant Memory Trigger System

Well, I had my dinner and T's at the gym. No one is on MSN and I only have three lots of reading to do. So here I am again. I'm really terribly good at being inconsistent. So I thought I'd let you in on some other musings. How incredibly exciting for you.

Primarily an incomplete list of things that remind me of 'Nam
(and yes I know, the going on about Vietnam has stopped being cute {if indeed it ever was} and become boring but hey, get over it.)

*The Arctic Monkeys (particularly the line from Fake Tales of San Francisco about "weekend rockstars in the toilets praticing their lines" because I always felt like a fake teacher on Sundays when I was putting off writing lesson plans) The Spice Girls, "Oops I Did It Again", the cover of The Ben Folds Five album, "Six Months on a Leaky Boat", Belle and Sebastian, Dido
*Chillies and garlic in seperate containers
*Humid weather (when you have to suck the air in), heavy rain (when it lands in fat drops but you don't really care because you aren't cold)
*Redheads at a distance (especially when they have long curly hair or short shoulder length hair)
*Motorbikes and scooters and bikes
*Cute asian boys with dyed blonde hair and just-pressed clothes
*Cracked footpaths
*Sentences that begin "I think maybe..." (I invariably laugh)
*The hammer and sickle

It's incredible I (basically) function on a daily basis. This list is getting shorter, which is a good thing. You atatch new memories to things as time passes. In the end it's just those little feelings, tastes and sounds that do it for me. There's a lovely section in Feeling Sorry for Celia where she talks about the Instant Memory Trigger System (or something like that). My IMTS is in top working order. Certainly not just about 'Nam. There's a horse and hay smell which always reminds me of trying to get on to Molly (my first horse) bareback, and failing. Plastic moulded chairs will always remind me of college. The shampoo that I'm using at the moment, crazily reminded me of Angie til I realised that that was because she was the one who said it was good, as she used it. Little Things by Good Charlotte (how embarassing) will always remind me of: my first boyfriend singing it on the phone, how horrid high school is and Mjec grining and calling it "the true loser anthem" (which I believe he meant as a compliment).

To hang around and tap us on the shoulder

So, two weeks, huh? Oups. I did start writing a post several times. I've also composed many in my head. The writing I do in my head is much better than anything I'll ever put to paper. I just read Mjec's blog and that led to me listening to Straylight Run which led to a sufficiently introspective and melancholy mood for blog writing. Not that I've been non stop happy the last two weeks. Quite the contrary. Not quite throwing yourself in front of traffic angst (or should that be anxt?) but a sizeable amount of Uni concern. Mostly about things which turned out fine. I just got worked up. Instead of throwing mysely into on coming traffic I watched a lot of Hugh Grant movies with the audio commentary on, I suppose this is prefferable to the former response. I was cheered up to get my History essay back which I did well on and got lovely comments for. I just get stressed because unlike at highschool/college everyone at Uni pretty much wants to be here and got 90 points plus. Although there are some people I'm convinced got in due to some kind of clerical error.

As tends to happen with me I'm looking for some grand plan to aim for. I don't do well without them. Currently I want to go to the U.S. for a semester. This is very unreasonable at this point due to money and probably grades. So I think I'll try to get into the U.S. trip that they do with the History subject I'm doing this year, next year. It's only for 3 weeks and isn't cheap but It'd be a nice way to decide if I could actually hack Americans for 4-5 months. It's also with my totally cool History proff. and goes to some great places. So that's the current plan. Stay tuned as I'll no doubt have changed the plan to volunteering in Dominica in a few weeks.

Ok I'm going to heat up some food.

Revolution is just a tshirt away

I really do get a high from philosphy. Although today it was a bit tempered by the subject matter. 2.4 billion people live on less than $2 US a day. I'd never really got purchasing power paraty before, but now I do. It means that they can buy the equivalent of what $2 can get you in America. Which really isn't very much. Peter Singer believes that we could reach the millenium development goals if each person in adeveloped country gave $100 a year. He also believes you can save a childs life with $200. What upsets me almost as much as these figures is the fact that a lot people don't even realise that this is real. It reminds me of this xkcd comic. Well, if a baby girl or boy dies in the Congo he/she dies in real life. (As an aside why do we put the infront of african country names? Maybe I shouldn't but I want to say the Congo or The Sudan). It worries me that people think not owning an Ipod or something makes you poor. Obviously I am a complete hypocrite. I just complained to T about being "so poor" when my bank balance could save the lives of several african children. This is all very me circa grade 11 when I went through an incredibly self indulgent guilt stage. I know feeling guilty in it self doesn't help and I'm kind of glad I don't as much anymore. Partly for selfish reasons and also because I was all "people are dying so I feel bad, woe for me" which is rather missing the point. But part of me worries that that's what happens to everyone. We get desesitized so much. It's like that George Bernard Shaw quote “A man who is not a communist at the age of twenty is a fool. Any man who is still communist at the age of thirty is an even bigger one.” What if it's not about maturity but rather you just stop caring?

Ok now I'm really depressed. Woe for me.

Happiness isn't happiness without a violin-playing goat

So I'm trying to be good and post more regularly. Also T's away and I'm bored. I watched Secretary tonight, it was actually quite good. Not one to watch with the parents though. It was funny though, because the packaging was all "RAWR!!! SEX!!!" (which was clearly what attracted me to it! Actually T has it and I was as I said, bored) but the movie was really quite deep. The picture they used for the front of the DVD never even took place in the movie. There was spanking though, and a dead worm in an envelope, and typewriters. What more would one want? It has that guy from Boston Legal and Maggie, sister of Jake with the annoying last name, in it. I also rewatched Notting Hill which just made me feel sad. Mostly the whole single and alone thing but it's so English. I miss Englishness.

So, Anzac Day tomorrow. I actually heard someone saying that it was great because it meant they could go out tonight. There are times I feel like I'm so incredibly different to other people my age... I mean, I'm not a big war fan but you've got to admire someone willing to die for their country, surely? Sometimes I worry that I'm just anti war because I wouldn't what myself or anyone I know to have to do that. Anyway, what's so great about going out on a Tuesday? My exciting plans involve writing my philosophy essay tomorrow. I am going to see some comedy on Saturday and then to a birthday party so you mustn't give up hope for my social life and "normal ness".

So yes, ANZACness got me thinking about random stuff. On a similar random note, I got into a strange train of thought in the supermarket (while looking for TVP of all things) about the whole concept of International Food. It's funny cause there's also an Asian section and well, surely only bush tucker and such isn't International Food in Australia. Yes quite a random thought, I know, and I didn't find the TVP. The other thought was about how in Primary School we were always told that if the French had settled Tasmania first we'd all be speaking French. the way the teacher said it made me think that this would be a really Bad Thing. The same thing was said about World War Two. That if we hadn't held off the Japanese on The Kokoda Trail we'd all be speaking Japanese. As if the problem was the language we'd be speaking never mind the fact that you really didn't want to have anything to do with WWII Japan. I realise now that these concepts made me think that Japanese, French and German (always an easy enemy) were in somehow languages to avoid. Bizare really.

I can't believe they never wrote a folk song about that...

Last night, when I was trying to get to sleep I had a great idea for a blog title. I remember thinking it was just perfect. Of course now I can't remember it. It's incredibly frustrating. It was probably musical... Anyway. I was really looking forward to today because I've been doing Uni work (that is admin stuff at uni, not assignments) and actual work pretty much all day Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Yesterday I did a double shift and it was just horrid. I was on an incredibly boring survey. I've done it so many times my brain kind of disconnects from the proccess and I enter a weird mental state. So I was really looking forward to having a 'day off', even though I had an assignment to start. So first I slept in til ten thirty, which was great because I haven't had enough sleep in a while. Then I did shower stuff and breakfast stuff. I listened to Insiders because I'm that kind of a girl, and read the paper. I started doing my assignment (philosophy) but was mostly listening to the radio. Then T came back (that's right she had finished her shift at work) and I felt incredibly lazy. She needed to take something to her boss at work and I came along (lured by the promise of a free coffee). So we did that, defrauding the Vistorian Government of tram revenue along the way. I then started the assignment. I've written six hundred words fairly painlessly but I think I need to use some sources and stop with the "many people have argued" and "some liberal philosophers have contended". I also should stop over using the word contend. My soc. lecturer needs to stop saying "critiqued" and "problematize" and "unpack", I mean, is the second actually a word at all? I'm unconvinced. But yes, assignment. I'm basically trashing the Universal Declaration of Human Rights which is new for me being the UN lover that I am. I'm feeling quite fired up about it, which I think is half the battle with Philosophy. Yay for a narrower definition of human rights!!! Ok, I remembered the Perfect Blog Title. It's from the West Wing, when Sam explains he's working to stop multinational companies getting sued when their oil carrying ships break and pollute the water. Then Josh says, well, you can read the title. I actually thought about it yesterday when I was doing that damn survey for "a major financial institution". It also works for arguing for a narrower definition of human rights, I suppose. But really that is actually I igood idea, but John Butler probably wouldn't get it. While I remember, can someone explain what a split infinitive is? So after typing for a while I got bored. I played a bit of solitaire. I'm really no good at it at all. Then I resorted to the TV (T had gone out) and watched an episode of Gilmore Girls which only served to make me disgusted at my self for watching daytime TV. So now I am here. Next I think I will have a shower and formulate an essay plan. I always have such high aims for my showers but when I get out I've forgotten to think about whatever and to shave my legs.

You Can't Fool Old Friends With Limousines

Oups. So I took an easter break from blogging. Also from work which means I am really conforming to stereotype - poor uni student. I didn't blog mostly due to laziness and being occaisonally busy back in Tas. Very ocaisonally. Obviously I didn't work because I was at home and also too lazy to ring up and ask for shifts when I got home. I'm ringing tomorrow, promise. Don't tell my mum. So easter was ok. Going home kind of gave me that in between two places feeling. You know? Just not quite belonging anywhere. It was nice to see my parents though. Of course we got on each others nerves a bit, like families do. We really do have a much better relationship when we don't live together. It was good to see my friends, the ones I can completely relax around. I actually had a proper talk with my friend C (the one who was in Italy last year and now has an ItalianBoy {a voice in my head is saying that in bogan Aussie "Eyetalian"}). We havent really talked properly in... more than a year. Mostly due to the boy. Because when she got back he was always around. It wasn't a particularly deep and meaningful talk we just shared stuff about our lives, silly things and Plans For The Future until we ran out of things to say about that. Then we giggled about our parents' friends. You see, C was my childhood friend. Our parents as well as several others in the area actually had a Baby Sitters Club, they had tokens and everything. It was all very local community. So when we'd wrapped up the gossip she left. It's kind of bizare not knowing when I'll be back in Tas. I will probably go in the winter for a week. In July the parental units are going on holiday to Malaysia and Cambodia. I really hope they have a good time. Although clearly, one doesn't want to dwell on such thoughts, the trip is a bit romantic because they met in Malaysia. I freaked my self out a bit abouut the fact that when they're gone I wont be related to anyone in Australia. Haha. I have no idea why that matters but for about ten seconds it did. On a similiar vain, three of my really good friends (K, C and Angie P) are going to be away this Christmas. Given I'll probably spend most of the summer here I'm not sure why that matters. I have decided I should work lots in the holidays in order to save up for travel, to get youth allowance or possibly just so I can afford to buy clothes without them being practical. As you've heard, this plan is off to a cracking start. I am such a nerd. I'm realy happy to be going back to uni tomorrow. Hopefully history assignment of doom will be well and truelly finished tonight. In other history news I am officially great at using the microfilm machines. I helped two people yesterday. One of whom was a kinda cute boy from my philosophy tut. I totally lurked in the background when I saw him sit down. Yes, I'm that kind of stalkygirl. I'd like to point out that I initiated the contact though which was quite good of me I thought. He may have thought otherwise. I should go start cooking soon... See, T's boyfriend was visiting and he just left, with T to catch a train to the airport. So we're going to watch some One Tree. If you're reading this Hannah K, you know I lovelovelove you, but, I'm really no good at the comforting about faraway boyfriends thing. It makes me feel extremely inadequate. Luckily I have One Tree so I feel like I have something to bring to the emotional distressing situation. (Thanks AP!) I am going to have stir fry. I believe it will be tops. Also, paragraphs are for wimps.

Id.

I have been having interesting thoughts lately. This of course means that now when I try to convey them all I'll end up with is dodgy punctuation and to many "However"s and "Therefore"s. This has been the trouble lately with my assignments. It hasn't reached crisis point yet - give it til Sunday night. I think I've actually forgot how to sustain an argument. I'm working on it though, although not tonight despite telling mum I was when she rang. Naughty. I freaked out when I looked in the mirror tonight (cue joke re: mirror breaking) because I was wearing short shorts, a polar fleece and my hair was out and is actually quite long now. I looked like a sporty person. How horrifying.

My fear of blank paper (real or www) is setting in. I'm slightly concerned that I can agree with this and this. I really need to decide if I'm a real lefty or a cynic. And if I'm the latter I really need a new wardrobe... I need buttons and rainbow accessories and t-shirts with slogans (sorry. Mark Morford always ruins my grammar). Also a new playlist: John Butler, Blue King Brown and whta? Joni Mitchell? Or is that too old school? Maybe I should be an indie rock kid? Apart from I don't want asymmetrical hair... Sometimes I get the impression I was born in the wrong decade. I actually wrote that in my notes for History the other day. See: I think I look best in 60s clothes, I like the music, the politics. of course this is all the rose tinted version of it. I possibly wouldn't be so into the drugs... (only in Cambodia :P) and it's a disturbing thought given that it's my parents thing. Also, I love the internet, and cheap international flights and... other modern things.

See this is why I'm so drawn to stupid things like this...

One Week

So, life continues. I've had a good week. I suppose, much less working on assignments than I had hoped. Also spent way too much money on cockails. Oups. I think this entry will be stream of conciousness style (even more than normal, I blame Joyce) as I have to get moving. I'm hoing to T's work ( a french bakery) to get cheap pastries and walk home with her. Then I'm going to work. Not sure how that'll go because there was a big accident (3 people killed last I heard) in a tunnel quite near my work. Well I think it's quite near, not really sure. I worked last night and it's horrid because we're asking people about the Gran Prix. The only good the thing is getting to say Grand Prix. I'm SO not a car person. I simply don't understand people who go there! I have interviewed a lot of high flyers who got free tics from work, which I suppose makes some sense. I am verry sick of giggling insipidly when they talk about the "Grid Girls" - as Summer would say "eww". A guy asked for my number. A 17 year old motorsports enthusiast. Double "eww". But also funny.

I'm looking forawrd to Easter. Both because I'm going home and because it will mean I've done my first two assignments. Anyone want to chat about Joyce's Dubliners? Or media effects? Or indeed the American suburbs in the 1950s (you know I picked that last topic so I can cite Betty Friedan (sp?). Haven't done any uni work today! Very bad. Probably working tomorrow 10 -2 (stupidest chift ever) and have big plans for working the rest of the day and all Sunday.

Also: One Week by Barenaked Ladies is currently my favourite song. Did you know it's in both 10 Things I Hate About You and The West Wing? You know what else is? The achtor who plays CJ. Allison Janney (?). How cool is that? Ok, not that cool. Enough Trivia. Gotta run.

The Escape

Yes, I know. I’ve been really rubbish with updating. Much longer than a week. And now I’m updating while watching The OC. Well. I’m typing in a word document ‘coz our living room has no wiresless-ness. Which is annoying, and a bit random. I’m watching the episode where they go to Tijuana, Seth’s just said “chivalry’s dead sugar” to Summer - while looking really cute. Does anyone really buy the idea that Seth would ever really be the uncool kid. He needs to be far less normal. Liking comic books? Sailing? I mean, he can ride a skateboard. Although, perhaps that says something about Orange County v. Kingston when it comes to what makes you cool. Not a whole lot of water polo played at Kingston High School.

In my soc. Lecture today we were talking about media effects and the different theories (my favourite being Hypodermic, clearly just for the name). One idea is that nowadays media (particularly soap opera type TV shows) plays an important part in teaching people how to act in their own lives. Apparently there’s a guy who used to work at the uni who did a whole lot of research into young people and their ideas of socially acceptable conduct based on Dawson’s Creek and The OC (omg Jimmy and Kirsten just kissed!). That is so why I’m doing an arts degree! Pop culture + academia = LUV. My lecturer made some comment about how not everyone joins and underground boxing circuit because their girlfriends died. Then everyone started talking for ages due to the excitement of the lecturer talking about The OC.

The other thing that happened in my lecture (really I should have taken minutes, I’m sure you’re dying to know) was that we all got talked at by a Socialist Alternative guy. There is a “bring the troops home/save David Hicks” rally on Saturday at 12pm. In Melbourne, so unhelpful to anyone reading this. This knowledge is ingrained in my head due to having SA people tell me on numerous occasions. Including at BOTH my soc lectures this week. I don’t want to sound like a horrible conservative but it really annoys me. I’m not 100% sure we should bring the troops home. (boohoo, Marissa just overdosed. Boring). We shouldn’t have gone to war in the first place - I think that’s obvious. However we did, and now I really don’t think us leaving would help anyone. I mean, chances are, no one would really notice. I’m not really comfortable with that though: just because “no one would really notice” doesn’t seem like a very good reason to leave. Leaving it to the US isn’t really fair, given that we were part of the damn coalition of the willing. Most of the work that I know of that Aussie troops are doing over there seems pretty worthwhile. I definitely think David Hicks should be brought home though. I can’t believe how Howard’s pretending he’s done so much to help grrr.

In other news: My birthday may well be more celebrated this year than ever before! We’re having a party here on the Thursday. This is a shallow excuse to cement friendships with people we kind of know from uni by getting drunk with them (isn’t that basically the best way to become good friends?) and showing off our cool house. Then I’m going to see Ross Noble on Friday, flying home on Saturday. And apparently K is going to have a party at her place, basically just ‘coz her parents are going away. So that’s all quite cool.

Aplying scientific principles to the art of capturing the modern world

So, my second week of uni is going swimmingly. I had lunch with Alice today which was lovely. I think it's going to take me a while to get used to the hours, or lack thereof. Only having 12 contact hours is a bit bizarre. Apart from Wednesday I don't really have anything approaching a full day at uni. Before you starts with the "Arts Students, pfft", I have loads of reading to do. About 50 pages a week for each subject plus a novel a week for Modern Lit. I’d be interested to know how the contact hour/work loads differs from overseas. Emily? Hannah?

Excitingly, I actually talked to a boy in my modern lit class today - a real live boy. The lecturers (because we don't have one for Modern Lit, we have an army of them) were trying to set up the projector and the screen. I do think the systems here are a bit to complex, especially for the lecturers. Any the screen was actually made up of whiteboards, on slidy things and the kept sliding back up and disfiguring the picture. It was really quite funny, one lecturer would pull the whiteboard down then turn away to talk to another and up it went again, then a different lecturer would pull it down again. It took them forever to work out that it was happening. So blondeboy and I had a bit of a laugh about it and lecturers generally. Exciting story. The thing is, if I'm sitting next to a girl I usually strike up conversation and it's fine. But when it's a guy I find it awkward, because I don't want him to think I'm cracking onto him or anything... blah.

Sorry if this is terribly disjointed, I'm listening to Restoring the Balance. It's quite amusing I think. I heart the ABC.

Other thoughts from modern lit: I'm really glad my parents took me to art galleries. at the time, of course I was not that bothered. The first thing I really remember going to see was Picasso's museum in Paris. I was 8 or 10 so I doubt I really 'got' it but I did enjoy it. Actually perhaps kids get more out of Picasso's stuff than adults? I don't remember being so utterly confused by it as I am now. I've seen quite a lot of impressionism (both at the Louvre and in Melbourne) because my mum really likes it. I think I prefer it too. Anyway, I feel like i have a bit more to work with when one of my many modern lit lectures starts throwing such terms around (usually managing to turn the lights off at the same time as trying to show us the painting). However there's a bit of me that just thinks "but that's a painting and we're talking about a play', I know, that's an incredibly uncivilized thing to say... I just find it hard to see the similarities between this and A Doll's House. However, throw in a few words about Ibsen's realistic aesthetic and you're away.

Well that was astonishingly boring. Sorry.

Housekeeping.

Today I had to go and buy a mop, a bucket, a large frying pan and other cleaning items. I had decided that the best place to make these purchases was at the Big W in town, town is only a 10-15 minute tram ride away so all was well. I completely forgot that everyone in Melbourne seems to constantly be wearing their most stylish clothes. I of course was wearing my old three quarters and YP t-shirt, both of which i wore a lot in 'Nam and hence they suffered at the hands of Vietnamese laundries and are very washed out. I don't think I'd brushed my hair either. I felt like such a bogan sitting on the tram with my Big W shopping bags and very obvious mop. But it was also kind of funny. Have been using said mop, bucket and other cleaning products and feel very 1950's housewife. Really should get into some readings... Will soon, just waiting for floors to dry.

I've also been acquiring my housemate's cd collection - I'm getting cooler by the second. Seriously. I'm incredibly bad at typing on my laptop, every word has at least three unneeded characters on first go - yay for spell check. It's exciting having the net again though, it's quite fast. although I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to go up to the next level of downloads though. Anyone interested in skype? I just need to buy a headset and dl it. Let me know.
So, plans. I'm going to go see The Whitlam's next Saturday, with Jem and Andy, which should be cool. The comedy festival is on from the 4th of April which is all very exciting. So far I want to go and see: Ross Noble, Adam Hills, Terry Psiakas(or however you spell it) and possibly Wil Anderson for old times sake. Not sure how to finance this. May get parental units to pay for Ross as birthday treat. And now I'm not going to see the guy from Black Books, because I have no sense of humour. (Seriously, is that show even funny? I also don't like Little Britain, The Office or The Mighty Boosh, how uncool am I?).

I am going to read about modernism. Fun times.

Unwired

Ok so it's been many a day since my last update - almost a week! Sorry about that. I did actually write an entry on Monday but it appears to have been eaten by the interwebs. Bad interwebs. My very first week of actual uni went quite well. I really love my history subject - USA Today. It's basically American history from post world war two til today. A lot of people have shot me disgusted looks when I've told them I'm doing it, they seem to be under some impression it's some kind of America worshipping cult, but it really isn't. Know thy enemy and all that. Not that I really consider the US my enemy, it's the home of many great things (and yeah, I do have Hugh Grant's voice in my head right now... David Beckham's foot etc.): Joni Mitchell, The OC, California in general, the West Wing and I have discovered, the All American Girls Baseball Team (clearly the coolest thing ever, note the uniform). I'm also enjoying my other subjects. Philosophy is cool, my lecturer is a bit mad and I have an assignment due on Tuesday. It's only 150 words but my brain is finding it quite troubling. We haven't really got started with anything in sociology and modern lit is good but a bit wanky. I haven't even read anything by Kafka yet (i know, shock/horror) but the whole waking up as a cockroach thing seems just stupid. Also have no idea what modernism actually is - hope to rectify this at some point.

In other news: I have the internet at home!!! Tres exciting. I’m sitting ant my desk now - in my pjs and watching people walk past my big front window. So expect more updates - or maybe not - having it all the time will mean I just wont get around to updating probably. Umm.. Went to a party last night - a housewarming. With UNYA people. Took me a ridiculous amount of time to get there because the trams were crap - I almost gave up but I’m really glad I went. Mostly talked to Alice which is always cool. Drank a lot of punch. Was relieved that Claire etc don't hate me because of the whole snogging randoms on their couch incident. then Alice and I walked home coz we missed the last tram. today was spent feeling a bit rubbish (not sure why, I didn't drink that much), setting up the net and trying not to fall asleep reading my modern lit reader. T and I watched some Queer as Folk together tonight which was nice - and ate ice cream. Ok, i'm bored now.

Oh: you should listen to Hearts a Mess by Gotye

Oranges

I've been sitting here for a little while (read: quite a while) doing important things like checking out what people are wearing to the Oscars (thanks dlisted) and having realised my first uni lecture ever is in an hour I've decided I should actually write something. My weekend was pretty boring - I worked all Saturday and then went to a friends place for dinner. Then made an attempt at going out but didn't really feel like drinking. We went to a cool bar where they were playing live funk which was cool - had a bit of a dance. I miss dancing with the Vinaway girls, seems like everyone here goes off into their own little world while dancing and there's very little interaction. The only guy interested in interacting was very sleazy and no one I was with would save me from him like we used to for each other. On Sunday I had lunch at a Vietnamese restaurant, I had com bo luc lac (rice with oniony, garlicky beef) which was ok but tasted quite different to the stuff I had in 'Nam. I also had a da chanh (lemon juice) which tasted just right. I said cam on (thank you) on the way out and my waiter did a double take which was quite amusing.

Yesterday night I got really hungry after talking to Angie (i'm not sure the two events are connected) and since I didn't have any chocolate I decided to dash out to the supermarket. It was after 10 and there were still 3 bookshops open and helpfully the supermarket (need I say - that would never happen in Tassie). So I bought: one chocolate orange, one packet of chocolate biscuits, one packet of tampons and one packet of paracetamol. I might as well have had a flashing sign above my head saying "I'm currently menstruating - leave me alone". I found the whole thing rather funny.

Eek. There are people waiting to use the computers and here I am doing very unimportant things. Oh - that's another thing, my grand plan for using my neighbours’ internet has fallen through and I don't know what to do. Very annoying. So what should I do? What’s the cheapest way to get broadband wireless internet?

Chocolate Sundaes

I went out last night with a girl I met a few days ago, Caitlin. T and I are getting very good at collecting people's phone numbers between us. Caitlin is cool; she's from Tassie - Launceston (boo-hiss). We seem to be spending a lot of time with Tas people given we're 'on the mainland'. So first we went to the Uni magazine party, but it was a bit rubbish cause everyone knew each other and we bought expensive beer (no beer hoi, that's for sure). So then we toddled off to the Law party (neither of us are doing law) which was kinda cool because everyone was dancing and there weren't that many people there and very few were actually law students. Next we went to the Arts party which was average. I should have been tipped off by the fact the place advertised itself as playing the best in house and commercial rnb. Commercial is nothing to brag about. There were hardly any actual uni people there. It was very much a poor man's New Century but lacking in hookers, boys who think you're cool coz you're western and sadly, Vinaway Girls. Then we had ice creams from McDonalds and toddled off home, it was a fun night.

I'm very excited about uni starting (I know, I'll get over it in the first week) but I have my Readers and reinforced lined paper ready to go. I signed up for a few clubs yesterday: UNICEF, Arts and the Debating society. I was going to sign up for Greens on Campus but I couldn't find them. I wasn’t sure about whether to sign up for Amnesty or UNICEF but as I heart the UN UNICEF won out, even though I would have got a bag from Amnesty. The ALP club had these really cool bags with pictures of Kevin Rudd that looked like Tintin. They were very cute, but a) I didn't want to join the ALP and b) I don't even like Rudd that much (he is however better than the alternative). Speaking of the alternative, there were Liberals there too which was quite disturbing. They actually looked like normal, happy people but were holding large posters with John Howard’s face of them which was obviously greatly disturbing. The other alternative appears to be the Socialist Alternative and they have about a thousand stalls. They really annoy me because they say things that anyone could agree with, for example: "Troops out of Iraq", "Free David Hicks" and my favourite "End Slow Trains" and ignore the fact they're SOCIALISTS, which is really very different, I can easily agree with those statements and not be a socialist. No offence to the lovely socialist I know.

So, you want to know about my date? It was a bit average. I mean, it was fine - I just don't think we have much in common. I'm not sure though maybe it's just because both of us were a bit nervous? Or maybe I set my standards too high? He hasn't messaged me again yet and I'm kind of hoping he won’t. We ended up seeing Music and Lyrics which was greatly amusing but, you know, crap. Hugh Grant's jokes are sounding more and more like dad jokes. Drew Barrymore was lovely though.

The in-betweens I never understood.

I'm really enjoying uni so far - sure, it hasn't technically even started yet but it’s never too early to be positive, right? O week is very different to I thought it would be, very low key and much less drunkenness. I suppose that happens on Societies Day though, which is tomorrow. Today I went to info sessions about my subjects. I'm a bit undecided about whether I've picked the right subject for Sociology, the lecturer for the other one seems a bit better. However, I was flicking through the reader for the one I'm enrolled in (Media, Politics and Society) and it had a bit about "Blogs of War" which sounds seriously cool and current. I've met some nice people too. it's much easier to meet people when you have real incentive, for example when you really don't know anyone in the room. I ended up going to the Linguistics session even though I'm not doing it because I was with a new friend from a few days ago. So I hung out with T there (once I explained why I was there) and then stayed for her Italian one. When they started dividing the class into skill groups I had a wussy change of heart and left.

I keep seeing things that remind me of Viet Nam. There are quite a few Vietnamese Restaurants here and on my tram home from work last night I glanced through the window of one and saw a lady serving wearing the traditional hot weather clothing - pyjamas. It's been hot here for what seems like week, people keep saying it's humid but it really isn't (yes, I did go on a gap year so I am legally better than you!). I also keep seeing red-headed girls riding bikes in sundresses and thinking their Hannah, which is bizarre. The other day I went into STA Travel and Flight Centre to see how much flights to Nam would cost, for winter (southern hemisphere) time and sadly they were as I expected. It was fun to pretend I was actually thinking about it. I highly recommend travel agent visiting as a cheap alternative to actual travel.

So tonight I have a date (well no one's called it that but what else is it?) which is a bit exciting. We’re going to see Dream Girls... The obvious problem with this is there are lots of beautiful girls in it but it's my own fault, I told him to pick. I wanted to suggest Music and Lyrics but I didn't want him to think I was a dork. And I have nothing to wear... obviously. And no idea what to say. Or...

No time for a groovy title.

It seems like forever since I've been on the internet (haven't got the shakes yet but any longer and I would have). I worked a double shift on Saturday, which sounds impressive but it was just 8 hours - for most people that is just a shift. On Sunday I did very little, apart from buy the next season of One Tree Hill (for Angie, really!) and possible Season Two of Queer as Folk. Sunday night I went out and that was kind of exciting. (I only have about 20 mins til I have to go meet up with my 'buddy group' for O week shenanigans so this is going to be quick).

I went out with a whole lot of Model UN (UNYA) girls which was cool. Some of them I knew quite well from going to Europe with them, a few I vaguely kew and some I've never met. I'm going to avoid giving a running tally of the alcohol i consumed because I hate Those People (even if I sometimes am one). First we went to a dodgy old persons bar, because it started to rain and we couldn't find anywhere else so we sat and talked and waited for the others to show up. Then we went to a really cool bar called... Madame Brussels, I think. They had plastic grass on the floor, lattice and rose flavoured cocktails. Apparently going out with 9 girls is a good way to attract favourable treatment from bar staff because when the place closed we got to hang out in the crezy-cool back room. And get more drinks. Of course, given there were UNYA people there we could just sit and talk like normal people, there had to be games. So we played I Never, I really don't like that game, but luckily i was tipsy enough by this stage to think of things to say easily. Then Claire's friends showed up, I think one of them was her ex housemate. Anyway, three guys who looked a bit scared by the extreme drunkardness and amount of girls. When we got kicked out of there we went back to Claire and Henny's hotel. And watched... Question Time... There was quite a bit of heckling, and I thought the whole thing was a bit absurd. We also drank vanilla flavoured vodka, which i found disgusting (I'd be interested to know if anyone likes it).

So by this stage I was v.v. drunk and there were only a few of us left. I was sitting next to this guy called Sam (you know this is going to end badly don't you...). We started talking which was cool, he asked me stuff about Vietnam (always very dangerous to encourage my Vietnam talk) and other random things. He's a fifth year (fifth!!!) electrical engineer. So things progressed and we kissed. It was quite nice. But embarrassing as we were sitting in Henny and Claire's well lit hotel room and there were other people there. Then I walked home which was quite stupid, but I didn't want to pay for a taxi. Yesterday I was horribly hung-over and I had and O week bbq followed by trivia (urgh, but we came second!) and then work.

And apparently I'm going to a movie with Sam on Wednesday. Eek! This is such a not me situation.

I Promise the next entry will be deep and meaningful.

I think that the computers in the student IT lab are anti-blogger, either that or I'm going mad. They wouldn't let me log in, even though I could log on to gmail fine. Stupid. Also, I think it should be easier to move between Google, gmail and Blogger, they're all owned by the same company right? Other things that should happen include people paying me. What kind of employee doesn't pay you until three weeks after you start? I also did some work at uni and they don't seem that inclined to pay me either. Plus I have a cheque that hasn't cleared yet. I'm fine, not living in the gutter yet, but it's very annoying.

I'm going back to Tassie over Easter. I'm not really sure why, it'll be nice to see my friends (all four of them :P) and... Well, I'm not sure what else. I'll be home for my birthday (the big 20 ugh) which I suppose will be nice plus the cheaper flights kind of dicatated it. My family doesn't really make a big thing of birthdays; well not since I was little. In primary school I always had a birthday party and a new bike (yes I was a spoilt little only child). So Taswegians, I'll be home from April 7th to 13th.

Today didn't get off to a fantastic start as I'd forgotten that they were turning the water off on our street (again!) at 9 and therefore couldn't have a shower. So I decided to go to the pool at uni and get exercise plus a shower, bonus! I'm trying to work out how to phrase the next bit so it doesn't descend into me basically detailing what I'm wearing. No one wants that. Basically it's just that when I wear some clothes (eg: shortshorts with high pony tail and head band) I feel like I'm wearing a PreppyActiveGirl costume that anyone can see through. Hmm, this writing thing isn't working so well for me right now... This entry has taken an emo turn, oups. I'm actually having a good day. Swimming always makes me feel self righteous! Also, I just found out that I'm not working tonight. Obviously money is good but I'm really just happy about it. I'm going to have Tacos for dinner!!!

I promise the next entry won’t be so meta.

Take out the trash day.

The level to which I am not excited about Valentines Day is phenomenal. This is because I am sad, single and alone. Woe is me. I was tempted to title this entry with some reference to the Good Charlotte song My Bloody Valentine but I would worry that people (well, person really) would think I was actually serious. Irony is dangerous like that. I'm not sure what Good Charlotte are, faux punk? Or not even attempting to be unknown emo? An important question clearly.

So I'm not sure why so much VDay negativity. I suppose it's partly because in the past it was such a rubbish holiday, there was general stress from people in 'relationships' about what to buy the other and you couldn't really 'do' anything romantic anyway because it generally involved parental transport or a bus. Now days it seems that my friends in relationships are actually doing that stuff you read about in Girlfriend. Going out for dinner, seeing a move - nothing all that incredible but unmistakably Grown Up. Which is part of why not being in a relationship gets to me - don't get me wrong I miss the snuggling (I'm not sure I can even remember how to kiss) - but it also seems another sign of how I’m actually only a kid. A kid who's going to turn 20 in less than two months.

It's not like I haven't had relationships, they're just all in the dim and distant past. The only time I ever got anything for VDay was when I was 14 and my first boyfriend sent me one of those Yahoo Greetings with loveydovey music. And I'm not entirely sure that virtual cards even count. This really is exactly what the internet doesn't need more of. I apologise to the internet gods.

So, moving on. Erm. To...

A few days ago it was a year since I went to Vietnam with GAP to teach English, which is a bit crazy. I didn't even realise because Angie was here but I go some nice messages from my friends about it. I particularly enjoyed the phrase Namaversary. Cute, huh? I feel like I've changed a lot since then. Not in ways that would be obvious to other people, but when I think about my thoughts then compared with now the change is obvious. I had a few big revelations while I was away. Firstly that I actually wasn't an incredibly bad person because of a few things I did while drunk. I think it's easy to lose perspective when you hang around with the same people. They were just silly things that my Tas friends had probably long forgotten abut but which I hadn't forgiven myself for. Of course I then managed to do other stupid drunken things.

The other thing was realising that my friends really were snobs, and me too. I think that's because we were the ‘smart’ kids who caught a bit of stupid bullying in high school and kind of responded to that by only hanging around with people 'the same' as us so a) they didn't have a go at us and b) we could feel superior. Although I’ve realised this it really hasn't made me change - I’m just as much as a snob as I was before. Not sure what to do about that. The other thing that changed was just independence stuff. I doubt I'd be here - away from home, if it wasn't for going to Vietnam.

Ok, that'll do.

West Wing viewers will know that take out the trash day is actually Friday but not on Keppel Street.

The black will be grey and the white will be grey

So this is my... 6th blog. Only several of those lasted beyond the first few entries and only one of those had any sort of longevity. And a dedicated readership of... three people? However, I liked that blog and keeping up with the three people who read it. You can type things in a blog that you wouldn't just tell someone, and I know it's all has a strong smell of narcissism and self importance but I probably possess that already.

To get the boring stuff out of the way, the title's from a Belle and Sebastian song. Whenever I hear about it I think about dodgy Vietnamese laundry services (that in all honestly rarely kept even the blues blue after sustained use). I'm not sure who's going to get to read this yet, but I have some people lined up.

Today has been somewhat of a nothing day. I watched a lot of Gilmore Girls (damn you JB Hi Fi, you'll be the end of me), enjoying the witty banter and Adam Brody before he was famous. My housemate and I (who I shall call T, partly for the subterfuge value and partly because I'm lazy) had arranged for some furniture to be delivered this morning but the guy didn't show when he was supposed to so I got up for nothing. T is going home to Tassie to be with her boyfriend for Valentines Day so the house is quiet. Even our next door neighbour, the Ballerina (no, really), is away.

I suppose I'm just a bit lonely because I've been doing lots with Angie while she was visiting and now it's kind of back to reality (which I coped with by watching about five GG episodes in a row, hmm). it was lovely to see her, even though I was a bit worried I dragged her 'round the place a bit much. We watched a lot of One Tree Hill which was quality viewing. I could go on about Chad Murray's beautifulness, squinty eye movement cute shaped nose but I feel the internet has probably got that under control. I will mention how incredibly implausible his character is however, as if guys who play basketball, clearly work out, read a lot of books, talk to other guys about reading a lot of books, are nice to their mothers, interrupt make out sessions to say they want the girl's heart actually exist. They just don't.

I also talked to my friend K on the phone which was good. She's got a few dramas going on the moment but they're under control I think. It's weird how sometimes Tassie seems so far away but talking to someone makes it seem really close. It's also bizarre to hear about my separate Tassie worlds getting further intermeshed.

Well I'm going to jazz up my interests. Thanks for reading!